Friday, 7 March 2003, 10.11 PM
Celebrities in the house

Come on the celebs! They've marched up and sung. Here's a freshly tinned rundown of the Celebrity Fame Academy launch show:

Ulrika: Sang You Don't Bring Me Flowers. She needs to combat her nerves, say the judges.

John: More used to talking to himself than singing. Sang It's Not Unusual with schizo-eyes, warned Kevin.

Will: Covered Robbie's Let Me Entertain You and warned potential classmates, "I break wind a lot and they smell."

Jo: Rates herself a 4 for singing ability and is only doing the show to get sympathy for her goldfish who is sick with a verruca. Sang You Don't Have To Say You Love Me in the other-worldly way only she can.

Paul: Sang That's Life and suspects he was called after Diana Ross, Luther Vandross and Jonathan Ross all said no.

Fearne: "Even if everyone else is having a laugh, I'll be really focussed." Sang Killing Me Softly but yearns for a more up-tempo number that she can shuffle to.

Doon: The last-minute mystery guest, revealed but this morn. Sang Can't Take My Eyes Off You. Had only 4 1/2 hours rehearsal time.

Kwame: Wowwed the audience and judges alike with his soulful Ain't No Sunshine. Vocal coach Carrie says, "He could sell records." The family man brings a picture of his kids to the Academy.

Ruby: "I sing like a wounded animal," but coasts along on the support of her family: "Mummy, you need professional help." Her manic performance of Hey Mickey whips the audience into a frenzy.

Early signs? Well Ruby has the moves (not to mention the ideal name for Red Nose Day), but could Jo be treating this juggernaut with just the right level of contempt?

Keeep watching, phoning and texting. Here's how:

To save Ulrika call 09011 154 001 or text VOTE ULRIKA to 82200
To save John call 09011 154 002 or text VOTE JOHN to 82200
To save Will call 09011 154 003 or text VOTE WILL to 82200
To save Jo call 09011 154 004 or text VOTE JO to 82200
To save Paul call 09011 154 005 or text VOTE PAUL to 82200
To save Fearne call 09011 154 006 or text VOTE FEARNE to 82200
To save Doon call 09011 154 007 or text VOTE DOON to 82200
To save Kwame call 09011 154 008 or text VOTE KWAME to 82200
To save Ruby call 09011 154 009 or text VOTE RUBY to 82200

It's just 25 shiny new pence and you donate 15p of it at a stroke. What joy! More Comic Relief Does Fame Academy goodness is at www.bbc.co.uk/fameacademy.

Nine-year high

The single in the sky

The Chamber opens